


Reality Check

by Lala_Sara



Series: E'Vira [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Hallucinations, Lies, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 04:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6738232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lala_Sara/pseuds/Lala_Sara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There have been ten years after they last saw each other face to face and Garak greets Julian with a kiss. Because he thinks that Julian is his hallucination. Or is it the other way around?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reality Check

**Author's Note:**

> I took some things from post-canon novels, mostly from "A Stitch in Time" by Andrew Robinson and "Crimson Shadow" by Una McCormack. But I twisted most of them. The point of all this series was to bend canon. I call this genre "loose canon" :) So I don't ignore canon but I will do everything to interpret it sideways. There are no facts, only interpretations, as Friedrich Nietzsche said ;)  
> I did it in script form (loosely) but exporting formatting into AO3 is a pain in the ass so you can download it with all formatting here (https://yadi.sk/i/6e6WPSYasSgre)  
> I'm Russian and not confident enough about my English but I couldn't find English beta. If you are irritated by my mistakes enough to be my beta - you're most welcome!  
> It's in seven parts and maybe I will someday update with some Tolan, Tain and Mila stuff (written or drawn) but I think I'm done with Garak and Julian for now.

E’VIRA

Episode I

“REALITY CHECK”

Written by

Lala Sara

 

FADE IN:

EXT. THE FEDERATION VESSEL ENTERPRISE-E ORBITING CARDASSIA

INT. THE ROOM ON THAT VESSEL

ELIM GARAK is sitting on the couch trying to read 'Master and Margarita' by Mikhail Bulgakov. He's still on the first page. We hear him mumble words from it at random. He wears something akin to his known suits but definitely something new by design. He started going grey round the temples but his waist is not much broader. He's older but in good form.  
He is nervous. Something is wrong but he can't see what. Some time passes and he hears voices behind the door. One of them belongs to JULIAN BASHIR, other is unrecognizable and indistinct. First phrases we can't really catch. Then we hear:

JULIAN BASHIR

No, I'll be fine, thank you.

ELIM GARAK

(under his breath, with relief)

Finally.

Another indistinct sentence from unknown source and again:

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, then it will be a surprise.

Next phrase is more distinctive.

THE GUARD

I'll be right here.

JULIAN BASHIR

(forcefully)

I'd prefer that you don't. I believe you don't have the order to stay.

THE GUARD

Suit yourself.

The GUARD goes away.

JULIAN BASHIR

(under his breath so we barely hear it)

Honestly...

JULIAN knocks on the door.

ELIM GARAK

(already by the door)

Enter!

Door slides open and we see JULIAN BASHIR in Andorian-looking civil cloth but with his usual medkit. He still looks young despite wrinkles around the eyes. His face is annoyed.

JULIAN BASHIR

(not really enthusiastically)

Surprise!

GARAK smiles but isn't surprised.

JULIAN BASHIR

I don't know why but I believe they're thinking one of us is dangerous. Or perhaps even both.

(with bitterness)

I fulfilled my Hippocratic oath but am treated as criminal, even here. Nice end of a career indeed.

Garak clearly is not listening to what Julian babbles. He's already in Julian's personal space and lays hands on his shoulders without hesitation.

ELIM GARAK

My dear Doctor. My ultimate prize. I claim thee.

And Garak kisses Julian full on the lips, without hesitation. Julian is in shock and doesn't resist but doesn't close his eyes either. Then he slowly pulls tricorder from his medkit and runs it over Garak's head who is wholeheartedly immersed himself in the kiss. Finally, it is broken.

JULIAN BASHIR

What was that? I thought you're hallucinating but you're not.

ELIM GARAK

Am not? That's... reassuring.

JULIAN BASHIR

Then... I didn't expect such... enthusiastic greeting. What...

(he clears his throat)

It wasn't characteristic of you, that's all. Purely scientific interest, I didn't mind at all!

ELIM GARAK

(clearly doesn't listen)

My dear Doctor, my ultimate prize, my one from the many, my all and everything, my e'vira.

JULIAN BASHIR

Hello?

Julian scans Garak one more time with tricorder, irritated.

JULIAN BASHIR

I clearly still have no reliable knowledge on how Cardassian brain works. You're obviously hallucinating again your 'doctor Parmak' thing and I can't see it because again your medics lie even to other medics. Even now. You're unbelievable species.

ELIM GARAK

Julian! Jealousy doesn't suit you. Doctor Parmak is just a figment of you, oh my ultimate. Only a part. There were people I loved because they reminded me of you. I knew you before I met you - through them. Why would I invite someone only partially you if I finally have the whole you? Well, as much as I can have you.

JULIAN BASHIR

(realizes)

Oh, so you only think that you're hallucinating but you aren't. So nothing wrong with my Cardassian neurology sources. That's... Good.

(realizes again)

But that means you kissed me!

ELIM GARAK

(shrugs)

You came, I claimed my prize.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh. Prize? For what?

ELIM GARAK

I did what he told.

(frowns confused)

What? I... Why I said that? Yes, yes, no, you are ultimate and I've been through all your parts already so now it’s finally time for you. That’s it! You're actually late. Yes, all of them, I even talked to Skrain though it was unnecessary and redundant. But he also forgave me. Now. Will you forgive me?

JULIAN BASHIR

(sighing)

Doesn't I always...

ELIM GARAK

So then - will you stay with me, my love?

JULIAN BASHIR

What? Wait. Em… Yes, I understand you're talking to me-imagined but all those years I thought... Despite all your flirting and all you were clear in one thing - that being together in any sense more than just friendly wasn't an option. So what changed?

ELIM GARAK

Ah! If something would change. If only. Then I would be talking to real you and not the part of my own imagination however lifelike he is.

JULIAN BASHIR

Life... like? Thanks. I guess...

ELIM GARAK

But sadly no, nothing has changed, that's the problem... And even if you will stay with me now still nothing will change. Alas and woe. Obviously I can't even forget about this predicament. So what's the point of this madness?

JULIAN BASHIR

Can you go with me to the sickbay? I really need more accurate readings. Doctor Crusher couldn't tell me what's wrong with you, I'm not sure I'm more of help. At least you're not dying. Yet. I mean you clearly messed up in the head but your vitals are strong.

INT. ENTERPRISE-E MEDBAY

Julian is looking at the results of the brain scan. Garak lies under the scanner and out of earshot (for a Cardassian at least).

JULIAN BASHIR

(under his breath)

You used your chip. Of course you used it, you junky... But it's something different. I think... I think I've seen this before... Yes, of course. Dukat. When he was not himself after Ziyal's death. You have real Cardassian mental illness, my dear friend... You need a real expert.

(devastated)

I'm no help here.

BEVERLY CRUSHER walks to them and surprises Julian.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

He was once your patient.

JULIAN BASHIR

That was long time ago. He's still my friend though. He needs Cardassian counselor. I mean psychiatrist. I've seen only one mad Cardassian in all my career and I’m not much help.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

We will try to find someone. But he will need you anyway.

JULIAN BASHIR

I'm not sure. I mean, he already has me. In a sense... I'm kind of... redundant.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

What do you mean?

JULIAN BASHIR

He hallucinates me.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

If it was just "doctor" then he names him Parmak. Though it could be you, I suppose.

JULIAN BASHIR

No, he used my name. He thinks I'm hallucination.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

More reason to be the real you for him.

JULIAN BASHIR

I don't think I can compete with Julian-imagined.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

(after the pause)

You think he betrayed you the same your parents did? Replaced real you with their ideal one?

JULIAN BASHIR

I... Maybe.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

I think he was just lonely. Can you forgive a lonely old man for missing his friend?

JULIAN BASHIR

Bottom line: whose fault that he missed you, right?..

BEVERLY CRUSHER

You're still young, you were busy. We, old people, don't feel time as you youngsters do.

JULIAN BASHIR

According to Garak, them Cardassians are non-linear as Prophets. Their memory has no concept of the past. It's everything all the time. So he actually can't miss anyone.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

Well, that would explain it. It's not hallucination, he just sees you as you were.

JULIAN BASHIR

No, I never was like that! I never thought I could be... That's the problem. Not that he replaced me with imagination but that he never gave me the chance to be him. The one he wants. I don't understand it. But then I practically betrayed him. I'd like to think that if he would let me be with him before then I would act differently... But then we will never know, do we? Maybe he knew that I would do it anyway and... Maybe he was right. Maybe he only was sparing himself from a bigger heartbreak.

BEVERLY CRUSHER

If his memory is non-linear, maybe he knows the future? Oh, Julian, I don't think it works like that. No one knows the future. Even the Prophets. We may think that... But we're always wrong. Now you think that everything ends here, do you?

JULIAN BASHIR

Am I wrong?

BEVERLY CRUSHER

Only future will tell, Julian, only future.

Beverly slaps Julian on the back and leaves. Julian after a pause goes to Garak who is being checked by the nurse.

JULIAN BASHIR

I'm afraid I don't know the diagnosis. You have the same symptoms as Dukat. And all I can say you're not simulating and it's not the chip's fault. You need psychiatrist, a Cardassian one.

ELIM GARAK

Well I don't need one. I have plenty of physicians already.

JULIAN BASHIR

Most of them imaginary.

ELIM GARAK

That's actually very convenient. I'm always in good health.

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, you're not! You have the same thing Dukat had after Ziyal's death. You may think that madness for a Cardassian is a coping mechanism but look what happened to him!

ELIM GARAK

(wincing at the Dukat's name mention)

My dear doctor, I told you then and I'm telling you now, despite you being the figment of me so you should know better, Skrain was simulating and I now know how. Look closely. What else is in my head besides my damn chip? The same as in yours, I presume.

JULIAN BASHIR

Nothing... There are no bioengineering devices here, just some typical UT. Oh. Oooh! I suppose it does have the function if to increase its range and capacity... When I was a teenager I even imagined the big conspiracy that most of aliens we see are humanized for us by Universal Translator. If it synchronizes lip movements for us it can do absolutely anything with the reality. It's telepathic and hypnotic in its core. I was so shocked by this thought and so wanted to see non-humanoid versions that I dismantled my UT and had to learn all languages from scratch. I started wearing it again only when was stationed aboard DS9 because even I can't learn new languages that would pop up from the wormhole with all those new species that fast. I still keep it on learn mode to see and hear reality and not its version of it. So I guess... It's like a virtual reality. Or augmented reality. Holosuite that always with you and perceived only by you.

ELIM GARAK

Most of interrogation devices were originated from it. The famous Romulan device you so familiar with? I know this for a fact. I dare to say the Dominion unreality chamber where you, my dear, saw me dying in your arms, had also this little thing (he taps on his temple with his finger) in its base. Dominion had no such devious thing prior the wormhole opening. And all you people do with its power is a delivering system for your translator. What a waste of resources!

JULIAN BASHIR

But you used the chip too, I see. You linked it to your augmented UT. So what? You can bliss hallucinate on demand? Dukat hasn't had a chip, I scanned him and would have notice. So he was hallucinating in earnest. He was sick but he caused himself his sickness. Or...

ELIM GARAK

Oh, my dear doctor, if I would want to hurt him then I would hurt him, why would I give him the means to escape?

JULIAN BASHIR

He had no chip, he would be really sick, he couldn't control the pleasantness of his hallucinations. How it is an escape, it's torture!

ELIM GARAK

And thinking of torture you were thinking of me, of course. I can't stress enough, my dear, that torture is highly overrated as an interrogation technic so I never was the fan of it. And why would I wanted him to be mentally sicker than his usual? He was already a maniac, what good would it be to make him a crazy maniac?

JULIAN BASHIR

He killed Ziyal. Maybe he wasn't holding the phaser but it was he who killed her. And then he will walk scot-free? Oh I don't think you were so forgiving.

ELIM GARAK

He did walk scot-free; don't you remember? Because of that. That was his plan, play insane card. I don't know, maybe he stayed on the station in sincere grief but he never planned to keep on staying. And no Cardassian psyche work like that. People don't just suddenly get crazy in the middle of the adult life, all mental illnesses either show themselves still in childhood or adolescence, or are result of old age deterioration and are a long process. And stress only makes us think clearer, that is an actual specialty of a trained Cardassian brain. This scheme of him wouldn't work on a Cardassian doctor, my dear doctor.

JULIAN BASHIR

You deny your responsibility but you still feel guilty about it. Why else you're arguing with "the figment of your imagination". You taught him how to do it?

ELIM GARAK

He stole it from me! I didn't know at the time he knew how to do it so I had only suspicions. That I shared with you! I didn't know how to do it at that time myself. But it was for me. The instruction... He learned from the letter from Mila she sent to me. Not long ago after the Fire I found it in his former possessions. Letters and stuff she sent me to Terok Nor. All he confiscated before it would reach me. She always was rather sloppy operative. The most brilliant engineer but not the field agent. Preferred working home. So when Tain forbade to contact me and no one could do this for her she risked to drop me few essentials herself. Everything ended up on Skrain's desk. Including her research on what you can do with simple UT if it need be. (without pause) You really are not hallucination, are you? Or is it the path you will lead me? Total confusion over what reality is?

JULIAN BASHIR

I don't know what to say to you. If you can't tell the difference between reality and hallucination I'm afraid you are already on this path and if anything I would like to lead you out of it. Nothing that I would say now can convince you I'm real. If I was the hallucination indeed I could suppose do something... magical to prove it but nothing can be a proof of reality except the sense of it and you lost it playing with toys your mother gave you and your old addiction. But that's good news. That means that you have the source of your problem than I can help with. I will dismantle it. Literally. You will still see the counselor or what you Cardassians have instead to help you through the rehab, of course. And all I need is your cooperation. My initial plan is to extract both of your devices and fix the damage to your brain. And it is damaged, by the way. So will you let me help you or you prefer to rave on?

ELIM GARAK

Oh, my, but wouldn't it be a miracle? The chip is not extractable, not unless you want to lobotomize me. I'm not sure that you can fix that damage then.

JULIAN BASHIR

That's not a miracle, Garak, just experience. Now I have plenty of experience in extracting of unextractable, believe me.

ELIM GARAK

Your medical skills are a miracle for your patients.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yeah, and sometimes a crime for a government... So... Shall we?

ELIM GARAK

Not before you prove to me that you can't make miracles.

JULIAN BASHIR

How? By the simple logic I as well might just not want to do them. Or, rather, you don't want me to do them if I'm only in your mind.

ELIM GARAK

There is one particular miracle I would always desire you to do in spite of the wish for you to be real.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yeah, what?

ELIM GARAK

I think you know already even if you're not a figment of my imagination. My first and foremost desire upon you. As you felt in my greeting to you.

Julian blushes and stutters.

JULIAN BASHIR

I... c-can't... I'm s... Sorry.

ELIM GARAK

(with a sad smile)

Then it settled. I will cooperate.

INT. ENTERPRISE-E CAPTAIN’S OFFICE

Captain JEAN-LUC PICARD sitting behind his desk. Julian goes in.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Well?

JULIAN BASHIR

He will cooperate during treatment. And he needs one. And I can give it to him if you give me permission.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

It is already done; you can practice on my ship. And I presume you still have Cardassia's license. So is it some Cardassian mental illness?

JULIAN BASHIR

(laughs sadly)

No, more like Cardassian stupidity. He used his chip I was talking about with some... alterations. It was self-inflicted. It's just getting out of control after ten years of using. He has severe dissociation. I would recommend Cardassian psychiatrist anyway along with my treatment. Someone with no bias and who can keep secrets because Garak will not open up even a bit if he can't trust. Also we have to persuade him to not go with the race.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Well, he will never be Castellan if they find out that he staged his own death, that's for sure. Though I'm not the expert in Cardassian politics.

JULIAN BASHIR

I think not being Castellan is his least problem. Why would you let him do that press conference at all?

JEAN-LUC PICARD

We didn't know at that time that he blew up his skimmer. We didn't check. We trusted him. Mister Worf checked the cameras later on his own volition.

JULIAN BASHIR

(smiling)

Oh, I imagine he would. He learned not to trust Garak a while ago.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

You know that Garak was the one who spotted something wrong with Ishan? Me and Beverly had a dinner with him and we were talking about Bajoran politics, this was before the President assassination. He said that he thought that he remembered Ishan Anjan because he saw him during Occupation. But then when he saw him now he didn't recognize him somehow. He brushed it off like his aging mind failed him but it lingered in Beverly's mind so when assassination happened and Ishan was selected and all this started happening she suspected foul play. Thus it led us to the proof of his con. So we both, I think, wouldn't be here if not Garak. Who knows what else Ishan would do before someone confronted him.

JULIAN BASHIR

I actually suspect that if Garak was saner I would still be in Starfleet and maybe even President Bacco was alive.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

How?

JULIAN BASHIR

If he had his suspicions about Ishan, he could do his own investigation much earlier. But instead he looked the other way. Maybe because some hallucination or other told him to. Because all this chaos was in his favor. Well, in favor of him seizing the power on Cardassia.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

His hallucinations seemed harmless enough.

JULIAN BASHIR

You mean the one he shows to everybody? Doctor Parmak?

JEAN-LUC PICARD

He has more?

JULIAN BASHIR

It surely started as a pleasant kind of virtual version of holoprograms for relaxation. But I don't think he knows what is relaxation anymore.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

President Bacco?

JULIAN BASHIR

I sure hope not. I actually think that the crisis happened because of her death, not the other way around. Paranoia always has a trigger.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

But he hallucinated before her assassination.

JULIAN BASHIR

He hallucinated Parmak for so long that I think he finally convinced himself he's real so he forgets to not mention him to people. He 'showed' Parmak to Miles couple of years ago. Miles thought he's just playing, the same he plays with me - he told me about Parmak as he was the real man in his letters and Miles knew it. But Garak didn't hallucinated Parmak now in my presence though.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Did he hallucinate in your presence with someone or something else?

JULIAN BASHIR

No. Just... me. Never mind. I told him politics will kill him. He just never listens.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Well, at least it killed him only in pretense.

JULIAN BASHIR

This time. So what that about the True Way? Is his opponent Temet associated with it?

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Even not according to Garak himself who based all of his findings on a hunch and opinion of his illegal operative. It's all too obscure. Also if it was the True Way I don't believe it's the one you already know, doctor. After the war it was dismantled as everything else on Cardassia. But Garak already rang the bell, so... Actually Garak told me that Tain was in original True Way as he was from one of the families it was composed of so I don't know. He was his father, that’s right? Does it mean that now Garak is technically a part of True Way? If it wasn't Garak who assassinated Bacco, maybe it would be sensible to get him under the protection even if the only indication of danger he is in was his own doing. If they think that he doesn't do what they want him to will they just kill him? I believe there are not many people left from those families and if one of them is not with them they would want to get rid of him. And probably most of them are not real descendants and if someone who is real is opposed to them it's a real treat to ideology... Don’t you think he can be dangerous to them?

JULIAN BASHIR

He is, not the other way round. Though I don't know in his condition.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Also we still don't know anything about who was responsible for Bacco assassination from Cardassian side, we just assume through Ishan that it was some of his former handlers. I mean what’s his real name - Baras. Baras Rodirya. Still can't understand it. I understand how you can become collaborator in the occupation - it's food and safety for your children and such but how can you still work for them after? What was the gain for Baras?

JULIAN BASHIR

There are plenty of reasons for everything. I think we will find out at the trial. When's the hearings?

JEAN-LUC PICARD

About three months I think. Actually when we found out that Ishan is not Ishan I suspected he was Cardassian. I heard they had a program like that.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes, Kira Nerys was the object of this program. But unlike real Ishan she survived. Also a gruesome story. And Garak is its actual hero. Not voluntary of course. At least it’s what he will tell you.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Oh, yes, Garak gave me a present, a book. I heard it was your little thing - exchanging books with him.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, we just borrow from each other. Presents are for chocolates.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Chocolates? We should bring Deanna; they will bond over it. And she's also a damn good counselor and he will need one.

JULIAN BASHIR

I imagine Ezri would want to join them. At least over counseling thing, she was his counselor once. You never know what she likes as her dessert, though. It depends on whose memory she's got today.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

So the book - 'Meditation on a Crimson Shadow' by Eleta Preloc - did you heard of it?

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh yeah. Garak finds it very romantic.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Romantic? I rather found it offensive.

JULIAN BASHIR

Did you read through to the end? Actually only the end is worth something but he deems that you can't appreciate the end if you didn't go through all the shit it gives you before that.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

I could appreciate very subtle things that some authors put in their work because of oppressive regimes they forced to live in but it was too subtle for my taste.

JULIAN BASHIR

Did you give him something in return? I'm rather interested.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Yes. 'Master and Margarita' by Bulgakov.

JULIAN BASHIR

(laughing)

Why didn't I have that idea? And his opinion?

JEAN-LUC PICARD

I don't know, he never told me.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh I'm looking forward to finding out myself. Why for all seventeen years I didn't have that idea? I think because it wouldn't be then much of a discussion. 'I liked it.' 'Yeah, me too'. No, he will find something to disagree on, I'm sure. I have to start constructing then my own total misunderstanding of the book or he'll come up with it himself first just to spite me. I'll let him be the right one for once, this book is too much like him to make him twist it just to bicker with me. Thanks for the warning.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

You like him. Garak.

JULIAN BASHIR

I do... I did.

INT. THE ENTERPRISE-E MEDBAY

Garak is sitting on the biobed. Julian standing by him.

JULIAN BASHIR

Today we're going to map everything to get a simulation I need. It's not just a scan, I need every molecule in your body and dynamic it has. I'm going to use the simulation then to determinate how to remove all your head equipment you no longer need without disturbing anything. When I'll be ready I will start preparing you for the removal. Usually in a simulation I come up with about several changes your body will need to get through this. As I'm not concerned about the implant's health it would be much easier than the first time I perfected the procedure and I nailed it then. So you shouldn’t worry.

ELIM GARAK

Oh, I'm not. You're the best doctor I ever had. It will be honor to die from the confidence in your medical powers.

Julian chuckles.

ELIM GARAK

But what I really am worrying about now is... Does my candidacy is also a hallucination?

JULIAN BASHIR

Em... Do you remember when your shop blew up?

ELIM GARAK

(chuckles)

That really would be like me, is it? But I don't remember doing it this time.

JULIAN BASHIR

But camera does... So I guess we add black outs to the symptoms. You had to tell me. You have something more?

ELIM GARAK

I don't think so. It's hard to check your own symptoms if you're dissociated from reality, though. But that attempt on my life, it helped with the nomination?

JULIAN BASHIR

So you approve?

ELIM GARAK

Would be a pity to lose the opportunity to use it.

JULIAN BASHIR

You're going to move ahead with the candidacy?

ELIM GARAK

I know you don't approve, my dear doctor, but it's the only way I know how to help my people.

JULIAN BASHIR

Or yourself… It gives you the feeling that you're useful to your people, does it?

ELIM GARAK

That is a subtle difference.

JULIAN BASHIR

But the difference nonetheless. And sometimes these two reasons are not getting the same results.

ELIM GARAK

How so?

JULIAN BASHIR

You may be not the best choice to help people.

ELIM GARAK

Is that so?

JULIAN BASHIR

Your methods of helping could be proved to be not good for the people. It's your first steps of democracy. Very fragile. Federation has huge experience and we still don't know how to do it every time. Your people was under totalitarian regime hundreds of years. You are the product of this regime. Only ten years ago you were passionately defending this regime to me. And now you are a democrat? I'm sorry that I don't believe you've changed enough for that. I believe your heart always was in a right place and still is. I'm not questioning your loyalty to your people and desire to do good. But you learned to do it in ways this new world doesn't want to see anymore. End doesn't justify the means now. That's what your people have to learn.

ELIM GARAK

I solved this problem. I just wouldn't do anything that Ziyal wouldn't approve.

JULIAN BASHIR

Ziyal? You mean the figment of your own imagination?

We see how Julian in Garak's mind is slipping into new version that is not angry. We see both Julians shifting and hear them randomly - clear versions of both and overlaid, with Garak who is reacting to each differently. He smiles either way but for angry real Julian he has a killer cold smile and for kind imaginary one - tender adoring smile. Eyes do the trick.

REAL JULIAN BASHIR

When you're arguing with yourself who is winning every time? How did you find himself blowing your own skimmer to boost your candidacy with false accusation on your opponent? You don't remember. Did 'Ziyal' approved it? Or Tain? Did you hallucinate Tain, Garak? Did he win? What else he told you to do?

IMAGINARY JULIAN BASHIR

Of course, I believe in you. You won't do anything Ziyal wouldn't approve. And I also will advise you and support you, always. You will never feel alone anymore. And you will help your people get through this, you will be a healer for your people. Cardassia will thrive again one day.

Real Julian notices something - tender adoring smile. He runs tricorder over Garak's head.

REAL JULIAN BASHIR

(under his breath)

That's what I'm talking about. You're hallucinating. Me. Again. Okay. How it goes... What would you want to hear from me? Something like...

Real Julian mimics imaginary Julian and they synchronizes in the end of following.

JULIAN BASHIR

I'm so proud of you. You will be a great leader to your people. No one but you know what to do. Only you can lift Cardassia from the crisis.

Julian glances at the tricorder.

JULIAN BASHIR

And we're back. Can you listen to me and not yourself for a moment? Remember when you thought we met in some imaginary Vinculum, and in reality it was just a subcomm conversation?

In FLASHBACK we see fragments of both the imaginary Vinculum and real subcomm conversation, without sound.

JULIAN BASHIR

When I informed you that I already gave my solution to that plague you was so scared about to the Cardassian medical community? And when I also advised you not to pursue political career when you told me you were considering it, what did you hear? Quite opposite. Garak, I am your only alive adviser - between doctor Parmak who died in labor camp and Ziyal who was shot by Damar, and you managed to hallucinate me saying what you wanted to hear instead of listening to me. What chance the dead ones have to change your mind? I was so mad at you when you sent me your letter with you Vinculum version of that conversation. I'm not mad because you didn't listen, you are your own man and have every right not to follow my advice though I was concern for you. But substitute it with fiction? And throw it back at me? Ghemor knew you was not in the state to make big decisions and also knew where you are more useful to your people, Ambassador. And now you're defying his decision, too. I have to ask because I'm so afraid of it. Do you have anything to do with his death? Alon Ghemor? And Bacco? Did you plan to seize the power from the very beginning? Will I be forced to shield you from such accusations in the future even if you’re innocent? Will I regret ever meeting you?

Julian in very bad state, it feels like he harbored this resentment for a long time and it just poured out of him. He regrets the moment he stops.

ELIM GARAK

I didn't...

JULIAN BASHIR

(interrupting)

Or you just don't remember. I'm sorry, it was useless question. You have an addiction and I knew it and I failed to help you. As a doctor and a friend. You couldn't help but turn to your implant in the most difficult time. It's understandable. Because you had nothing - and no one - else to turn to. It's my fault, Elim, I'm sorry. I didn't know what your feelings were for me and I... I should have tried harder to understand them. You've let me go and somehow I didn't return in spite of urging need to do so. And... Okay. Can we talk about it later? I still have to figure out what to do about this and I can't do it while I still don't know where are we standing. Now can we focus on what is important right now? You are ill. That's the fact. You have an addiction but also you have the result of this addiction. You cannot run for Castellan now because of your health condition if nothing else. You have the right for second opinion and I intend to work with... or even hand over all my research to a Cardassian doctor if you don't want me... The only condition is... Their name can't be Parmak.

Garak suddenly laughs.

INT. ENTERPRISE-E CAPTAIN’S OFFICE

JULIAN BASHIR

We have to do it in the Federation compound on the planet. And no guards. He is free to move around and out of the compound.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

What if he...

JULIAN BASHIR

Then we will know, will we? But he has to be free. It's his decision.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

You're overcompensating because of your inappropriate outburst, do you, doctor?

JULIAN BASHIR

I would ask it anyway.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

Alright. Anyway there are no guards in the compound, only civilians now. And Enterprise is already arousing unnecessary anxiety so we will be on our way. We found Cardassian psychiatrist. She's young but very bright. Helped many to survive survivor’s complex. If it's what's gnawing at mister Garak. Yes, also she is an expert on bioengineered addictions. I understand it's a thing on Cardassia. Many people used implants before the war for useful purposes but now it's outburst of misusing them for pleasure. Or, rather, escaping from pain.

EXT. CARDASSIA, FEDERATION COMPOUND - DAY

INT. HOSPITAL IN THE FEDERATION COMPOUND ON CARDASSIA

It combines Cardassian and Federation design. There are no doctors but the nurse that offers Garak patient robe. Garak is offended. He takes it as a venomous snake and demonstratively dematerializes it in the replicator.

ELIM GARAK

(under his breath)

You will not make me wear this atrocity while I'm still conscious.

We hear hallucination of doctor Parmak before we - and Garak, see it.

KELAS PARMAK(V.O.)

And they say doctors are worst patients. No, it's tailors!

ELIM GARAK

My dear Kelas!

KELAS PARMAK

So you've had your second opinion at last, as I see.

ELIM GARAK

I never made it secret that someday he will steal me from you, my dear.

KELAS PARMAK

I was your doctor more years than he. I was your only doctor...

ELIM GARAK

And look where it got us!

KELAS PARMAK

You even don't know is he real.

(he takes some medical device from the table)

Is this real?

ELIM GARAK

I don't have any idea, my dear. Isn't it delightful?

KELAS PARMAK

At least you know I'm not. I'm not real. That's certainty. You need certainty. Some stability. This whole mess is because of the chaos. You just want some stability. I understand.

ELIM GARAK

Your job is to understand. Or, at least, to pretend you understand. And then stab in the back.

KELAS PARMAK

I didn't betray you.

ELIM GARAK

Strange. I said the same thing to Tain. And he wasn't impressed either. So you propose to treat everything as unreal? That's your solution?

KELAS PARMAK

Why not? You've already been in Vinculum. Nothing is real. You're still there. You just don't understand it.

ELIM GARAK

Yes, I remember, my dear. I was in Vinculum. Julian reminded me the other day. And that little trip to Vinculum cost me dearly. First of all, it cost me Julian. So... Thanks for stabbing in the back.

KELAS PARMAK

You're welcome, I guess. It's easy to blame me for everything, is it? What will you do without me then?

ELIM GARAK

I'll manage.

KELAS PARMAK

Don't blame him. Real or no real.

ELIM GARAK

I won't.

KELAS PARMAK

You're so sure he's the ultimate? What if it was Akellen after all, as you thought right up to his death, even already being a friend to Julian, by the way? Or how about any one of us, for that matter, even poor me? You've heard of those stories, do you? Ultimate was in the past and everyone who was after was just pale shadow. It could be either way. It's just more convenient to have ultimate after and no one wants to think about the other possibility - it's too depressing.

ELIM GARAK

I know because I see you and Akellen in him but I don't see Akellen in you for example or you in Akellen. Also yes, it's depressing, being all of you long gone, so shut up.

KELAS PARMAK

(sarcastically)

Yes, that's it, think of people by their existence status only, that's right. Nothing wrong with that. And if he’s imaginary, too, how about that? But then, it would be ideal match, mythomaniac and imaginary man.

ELIM GARAK

(irritated)

Oh, go on already.

KELAS PARMAK

(fades out grumbling)

Discrimination, pure discrimination...

ELIM GARAK

(under his breath)

I will never forget you, my love, but I should have let you go very long time ago.

JULIAN BASHIR suddenly appears along with a young Cardassian woman.

JULIAN BASHIR

Saying goodbye to your hallucinations? Now, that's an attitude! Let me introduce our Cardassian consultant miss Naven Aglorra. She knows normal Cardassian psyche slightly more than me and knows humans enough to translate it to me.

(In theatrical whisper, shielding his mouth with his hand from Naven)

Also she has a mean backhand.

ELIM GARAK

(showing to Naven hand in Cardassian greeting and smiling to her politely he gives Julian the evil eye)

My pleasure.

Naven greets Garak.

JULIAN BASHIR

There is a good tennis court here. And I didn't know Cardassians are so fond of tennis.

NAVEN AGLORRA

We never had any games except the war games but now it helps in therapy. I offer this to all my patients. You should go, mister Garak, not as a spectator but as a player. Also we have and all-Cardassian games initiation, variant of Olympic games on Earth. We have to learn to compete without actually killing each other.

ELIM GARAK

You intend to substitute our legal system with tennis?

(to Julian)

That would be most Kafkian, don't you think, doctor?

JULIAN BASHIR

(not paying attention to Garak, to Naven)

I certainly will go. And I'm in anticipation of our talks about Cardassian mind.

(to Garak)

Maybe miss Aglorra will open for me your secrets, Garak. I always suspected most of your charming mystery I'm so in love with is just a race difference. So beware, the scales can fall from my eyes.

NAVEN AGLORRA

(scratching her eye ridge)

That must be painful!

Julian laughs. Garak is unamused.

ELIM GARAK

I think I'm forced to ask for another doctor. The one I have is clearly more tennis player than doctor today.

JULIAN BASHIR

(explaining to Naven)

Of course he means I'm too involved to be his doctor. He's afraid I'll kill him the minute he slips under anesthesia.

ELIM GARAK

I don't! I just don't understand your current mood, doctor.

JULIAN BASHIR

Maybe I let miss Aglorra translate it to you.

NAVEN AGLORRA

Well, I see the obvious tension here. But as humans uses it not only for courtship I really don't know what's going on.

ELIM GARAK

You're mad at me, I understand that, but can you at least don't involve other people?

JULIAN BASHIR

She's your therapist, get used to it.

NAVEN AGLORRA

Will I do couple therapy, too?

JULIAN BASHIR

(calming down, to Naven)

I apologize. Of course it's not your job. Shall we continue the compound tour?

NAVEN AGLORRA

Yes, of course. Till we meet again, mister Garak.

(with only her lips)

Sorry.

Julian and Naven goes away. Garak glances at the nurse who is standing with already replicated new set of patient pajamas.

ELIM GARAK

I don't have time for this shit.

Garak leaves fuming.

INT. ROOM DOWN THE CORRIDOR FROM THE HOSPITAL ROOM – LIGHTS OUT

CONTINUATION

Julian and Naven are peeping out of the door at leaving Garak.

NAVEN AGLORRA

Do you think it was wise?

JULIAN BASHIR

I had to let him go. It has to be his decision. Not Federation's, not Cardassia's, not mine and not even of Julian-imagined.

(after pause, surprised)

He didn't hallucinate him over me.

INT. JULIAN’S ROOM ON THE COMPOUND

Door rings.

JULIAN BASHIR

Enter!

Garak lets himself in.

ELIM GARAK

So... When that operation? They said you cancelled it.

JULIAN BASHIR

I didn't know you'll be back. When, when you'll be back.

ELIM GARAK

Well, I had to... Clear my head. Well, as much as I can in my condition.

(indignantly)

Nobody stopped me. Well, I mean... Nobody would stop me if I just walked out of here. Of course I used stealthier methods of retreat but. Why?

JULIAN BASHIR

You expected that we will force you to stay? To do the operation?

ELIM GARAK

That would be logical solution.

JULIAN BASHIR

That's what I was talking about. It was a free lesson on democracy, you're welcome. You have to let people make their decisions even if you think they're wrong. But you still think that force and manipulation is 'logical solution'.

ELIM GARAK

Your skin in eyes and nose areas is redder than usual. Were you drinking?

JULIAN BASHIR

You're hallucinating, Garak.

ELIM GARAK

And crying, I smell salt right from here. Were you that disturbed by me missing?

JULIAN BASHIR

You weren't missing, I pushed you away to see how much you need this yourself.

ELIM GARAK

Great Hebitian gods, Julian. I am mental patient with paranoia and blackouts. Thank Jonak you weren’t on the Empok Nor that time or you would let me kill poor Nog out of some misplaced democratic principle.

JULIAN BASHIR

You're not that far gone, Garak. You returned.

ELIM GARAK

Hurray for me! And if I didn't? What would you do then? It would mean I'm too crazy and dangerous. And also pretty much uncatchable if I know myself. You stupid stupid man.

JULIAN BASHIR

(chuckles sadly)

So everything I did made you only more adamant in your previous creed?

ELIM GARAK

I wouldn't call you the master of manipulation, yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

Maybe because that wasn't my motivation. I'm afraid I did it out of guilt, I don't know how much misplaced. I shouldn't yell at you.

ELIM GARAK

And I shouldn't yell at you those years ago when I was first time affected by the damn implant. This is pity that the stupidity of turning anger and disgust for yourself onto the dearest to you seems to be universal. I took no offence, my dear, believe me.

JULIAN BASHIR

I don't think I can forgive myself. You're mentally ill. It wouldn't help. I swore do no harm.

ELIM GARAK

As I said, dear, no harm was done.

JULIAN BASHIR

So I just forget about it? What about my guilt about all of this? You've done it only because I wasn't very good friend.

ELIM GARAK

I really don't know what are you talking about but I do believe I have a debt to pay.

Garak comes near Julian and takes his hand in both of his.

I forgive you. Whatever you think you're guilty of - you're not guilty at least before me. Never was and never will be.

INT. THE OPERATING ROOM IN THE COMPOUND

Julian and Cardassian assistants operates Garak.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM IN THE COMPOUND

After the operation Julian and Naven are checking Garak's brain functions. Indistinct questions and answers. By Julian’s and Naven’s reactions we see all is well.

INT. GARAK’S ROOM IN THE COMPOUND

By the dinner table. Naven, Julian and Garak. They are finishing eating.

NAVEN AGLORRA

I gotta say that was delicious. What did you say it is called?

ELIM GARAK

Just punch 7-6-2, dear.

NAVEN AGLORRA

I have to get the actual recipe because I don't live here, you remember? We still don't have enough replicators to get into each house not mentioning each apartment.

ELIM GARAK

Argh, that would be my first priority. It's the simple matter but it seems no one think of it.

JULIAN BASHIR

So you're going to reenlist yourself as a candidate after all?

ELIM GARAK

Do I have a choice?

JULIAN BASHIR

Garan is doing very well, she has every chance to be reelected. So yes, actually you do have a choice.

ELIM GARAK

And I know yours, dear. End of discussion.

JULIAN BASHIR

Stubborn old fool.

ELIM GARAK

(sighing)

That I well may be.

NAVEN AGLORRA

I have to go. Play nice, boys. Especially you, Elim, don't forget that Julian is only human.

ELIM GARAK

As I could ever forget.

JULIAN BASHIR

Hey! I'm not 'only', I'm augmented.

NAVEN AGLORRA

Still softy belly.

Naven pats Julian's belly. Julian snorts. Naven leaves.

JULIAN BASHIR

(to Garak, returning to the conversation)

Believe me, I understand you. When you just know you're better than most it's hard not to start doing everything by yourself. I never told you... I knew about the wormhole when I asked for the assignment to DS9. I mean where else is more frontier than at the rim of the wormhole to the whole new quadrant. Actually I slipped my anticipation of just that and Nerys took offence on that adjective. I didn't mean Bajor! Well, when still in Academy I stumbled on some pattern in mentions surrounding Bajoran space and figured out that it has to be a stable wormhole. It was damn luck the occupation ended just then and Federation was invited. I even knew how to stabilize the wormhole. I had this big plan, you see. But then Jadzia happened. I think it was the moment I actually fell in love with her. She outdid me. Purely by accident, of course, but she did the research faster than me when I was doing it. So I said to myself: You don't have to do everything by yourself. There are people who are your equals or even more. I think that was the first time when I did not do something I could not because I was afraid of drawing attention to me but because I didn't have to because there are people who can do it instead of me.

ELIM GARAK

Thank you for your input, my dear, but first I don't currently see anyone who could do what I can, and secondly you forgot to mention that Jadzia Dax made her ground discovery not just by accident but because you used it as a pick up topic on the way to the station. Am I right?

JULIAN BASHIR

How do you?.. Nevermind. Well, it was my plan, I wasn't in position to discover the wormhole, I was just a medic. So I made sure that I was going to the station in the same shuttle as the science officer and mentioned some legends about the surrounding space. That was only first step, and I swear she did everything else all by herself.

ELIM GARAK

Purely accidentally, as I recall.

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, nevertheless she had to orientate herself in there.

ELIM GARAK

But Captain Sisko did it better, according to the Prophets.

JULIAN BASHIR

Not according to Dax. Anyway, my point is maybe you could be a consultant of some sort. Adviser. That would even suit you more. I know that the urge won't go but... It can be tamed. I tamed it.

ELIM GARAK

In the face of exposure. Fear is a good motivator.

JULIAN BASHIR

You're not afraid that you may harm Cardassia?

ELIM GARAK

I know I will never harm her.

JULIAN BASHIR

You don't want to, that's for sure. No one is discussing this. I believe in your motivations with all my heart.

ELIM GARAK

Despite what I said about... you being my ultimate... She is everything to me. Even you can't trump her. She will always come first.

JULIAN BASHIR

I know. That's why I'm trying to persuade you. I know for a fact that you won't survive hurting her.

ELIM GARAK

(sarcastically)

And I thought you were just jealous.

JULIAN BASHIR

A little bit, yeah. That was one reason why I avoided you all this time. Like a mistress who steps back before great illness of the wife. She knows he will never leave the wife in this circumstances. I didn't know anymore what to say. Of course I was an idiot. You were the most vulnerable and needed support more than ever and I ran away just because I didn't know how to handle your vulnerability. Because I always used to turn to you for support. You were the strongest man I knew. You and Miles are great survivors. I needed to see this resiliency, being myself in the constant fear of implosion. And then your world imploded and I couldn’t do anything about it.

ELIM GARAK

But you did. Your fought with Cardassian plagues...

JULIAN BASHIR

I was one of the many and I would be more effective if I was on the planet. I blew it. I blew our friendship. I never knew you can forgive me for not running after you that day. That's why the more time passed the more hesitant I would become. How can I just show at your door? With what? I once stole the industrial replicator for you and still couldn't think it will get me any favors. I posted it to Cardassia anonymously.

ELIM GARAK

You stole?

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, I made it through personal replicators and I had no permission so yeah, in Federation that could be considered stealing. If someone except me knew how to do it.

ELIM GARAK

Ah, yes, you were putting your engineering extension courses to work. I actually didn't even suspect, the donation was from some rich guy.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yeah, Quark found the front. Free of charge.

ELIM GARAK

How generous of him. By the way he still hasn't retracted that assassination order on his own head. And I have a reputation to uphold.

Julian laughs. Then stops abruptly and looks at Garak in awe. Garak shakes his head no. Julian smiles.

ELIM GARAK

I never knew I have to forgive you. I didn't expect you to "run after me".

JULIAN BASHIR

And, again, it's my fault. I blew our friendship even before that or else you ought to expect it.

ELIM GARAK

Do you expect your friends to leave everything and live with you on a devastated planet? Then I'm afraid I have to bring you bad news - chief O'Brien is no longer your best friend but all mine! But jokes aside... It may be wishful thinking on my part but I think you're talking about something else than friendship?

JULIAN BASHIR

I'm still not ready to talk about it. And whose idea it was, do you think? It wasn't easy task to lure the hero of Setlik III on Cardassia.

ELIM GARAK

So they were planted to watch over me. Doctor, you have your own agents, how delightful! But as much I want to talk about spying things and stuff I'm forced to get back to the topic. As my mind is slowly taking back its ability to know the difference between reality and unreality I'm beginning to panic because of how I greeted you. And you know what's happening when I panic...

JULIAN BASHIR

Emotional blackmail! That's new low for you. That was Naven's idea, I hope?

ELIM GARAK

She encourages me to be more foreright, yes, but I'm afraid the idea was all mine.

JULIAN BASHIR

I know, I know, you need some affirmations that I'm not gonna run away screaming. First, as I was hinting, I've done running away. And secondly, I can't guaranty I can return your feelings or even understand them in full but let me assure you I have plenty of my own. But first I have to understand them, too. I had not very successful love life, especially these ten years, and for once I want to be sure about everything before jumping the wagon. Would you ever told me about your feelings if you wouldn't take me for hallucination?

ELIM GARAK

(without hesitation)

No.

JULIAN BASHIR

Because?

ELIM GARAK

Even if they are reciprocated there are still reasons I wouldn't do it if I was you.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, so you're deciding for me. And you're so defensive when I'm trying to give you some good advice. I won't just take it. What are those reasons?

ELIM GARAK

I wrote to you all about them.

JULIAN BASHIR

Those letters that looked more than novels? In length and in being fiction. Why you wrote them in the first place if you had no intention of pursuing our relationship further?

ELIM GARAK

Remember that book of small stories by Tonino Guerra? It was called The Dust Cloud. That was very appropriate when I was recalling it down there that first year after the Fire. I think that's why I recalled it the first place - in the middle of the dust storm. There was a parable that can illustrate why I did it. The tale about two Chinese eunuchs.

JULIAN BASHIR

(remembers)

Well, okay, you wanted to remind me of you, just in case... I hope now then it wouldn't be like in Awaiting story from the same book.

ELIM GARAK

(chuckling)

I just thought about it. No, I think I've done running away, too - and hiding behind the closets, though I'm not sure I would do it in any circumstances. Walk out of the airlock is more my style.

JULIAN BASHIR

By the way, about this phrase or rather the variant of it, hiding in the closet. It has more meaning that is obvious and has significance in this case. In old days "being in the closet" was the euphemism of "being not open about your homosexuality". We have... a long history of homophobia on Earth. So... I finally got my hands on that forbidden Cardassian dictionary you recommended. You won't deny now that the word you used constantly as adjective to yourself in your letters is a euphemism for homosexual? You won't get back 'into the closet'?

ELIM GARAK

(sarcastically)

Oh no, my secret is revealed. By the way, do you remember? I know we both didn't use it in this manner that time after Tain's death but I still couldn't prevent myself from the double take. So pathetic of me! Even if you knew Cardassian slang you are definitely not homosexual, your women friends were not fictional, unlike mine.

JULIAN BASHIR

Still if one choses to confess such things it would be less dramatic to confess that they’re bisexual, does it? Yes, I thought that your reaction was a little off for such trivial confession. That wasn't trivial to me though. I actually tried to declare my feelings to you that day. Whatever they may be... So maybe you weren’t wrong about the reaction... You know, Earth languages before Standard also had interesting euphemisms for homosexual. Gay, warm, azure, crystal...

ELIM GARAK

How beautiful.

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, even these ones were slurs and there were many much stronger ones, too. So... I doubt it was that beautiful at the time. All seeming beauty comes from the fact that homophobia on Earth was the result of patriarchal cult of masculinity so everything beautiful and thus feminine because beauty associates with women was a shaming slur for a man.

ELIM GARAK

How homosexuality is feminine?

JULIAN GARAK

Because it was confused with transsexuality, I guess. If you want a man you must be wanting to be a woman. Heteronormativity and binarity of thinking and such.

ELIM GARAK

Then based on that system our slurs should be something like ‘clever’, ‘unemotional’? Hm... So. You've cracked my cipher.

JULIAN BASHIR

It's like your stories when you were ill from the chip the first time. Especially the lies? You not only reminded me about you, as you said. You were telling me your story. In riddles. And you told me you’re doing it – by telling me the lie about the implant itself. You wrote that I removed it.

ELIM GARAK

All stories that time were true. They were just not my stories. But I was the part of them.

JULIAN BASHIR

That was your ‘clients'’ stories, mister interrogator? Ones you couldn’t forget because they were... confusing? Painful? You had to condemn those people because that was your job and they were technically guilty but you understood them. Those were your stories of doubting the State. Oh, by the way, I have a guess, hot or cold? Your crime you got the exile for was a thought crime? In reality you didn't do anything except doubt. There were regimes that were punishing for less.

ELIM GARAK

Oh no I definitely did something, but what I did wasn't technically a crime. So it's warm.  In the end you’re starting to realize that the State not always works for the people as well as it should. And what is State if not the people? Just now you were doubting my ability to understand that.

JULIAN BASHIR

No, Elim, I already told you, I'm not doubting your motives. But I doubt that you know 'how' to deal with politics without what you were doing your whole life. It's too much a temptation, it's so easy to slip into known practices. And your mind is too weak right now. The more you'll be healthier, the more trust I will give to your strength to make right decisions.

ELIM GARAK

But doctor, you were against it from the very beginning!

JULIAN BASHIR

And were you better then? You said yourself, you were mad, you wrote that it was the only means of your, your people's survival, to be mad. I just didn't know how much mad you were.

ELIM GARAK

So I have to get healthy and strong. And sane.

JULIAN BASHIR

That is always the best solution. I'm telling as a doctor. What that other of yours was telling you?

ELIM GARAK

Ha?

JULIAN BASHIR

Parmak, I'm talking about doctor Parmak. Okay. Colder-hotter again. Here's what I know. He was Tain's personal medic. It means he was very good doctor and very loyal. I don't think that he wasn't constantly checked so I don't believe he was found guilty suddenly in some random test. Not when he had the best position for killing the man. He was loyal through some kind of bond to him, like you. But then Tain orders you to interrogate him presumably like a test for Parmak. Or you? And you break good doctor who never was suspected before with only you staring at him for a few hours. I know you can be intimidating when you wish to but come on. So he confessed in some - again - thought crime, because if he was indeed the assassin, Tain would be dead already a couple of times, and the punishment would be more severe. But our good doctor was sent to labor camp on Cardassia IV. He was released after three years and returned to Cardassia Prime to practice medicine again. But that is an official version. There was someone by that name, yes. But it wasn't the man. Because Kelas Parmak died in the labor camp.

ELIM GARAK

How did you find out?

JULIAN BASHIR

Cardassia IV's archives are still intact, unlike that of Cardassia Prime that were mostly destroyed in the Fire. I would say on Cardassia IV there are even more archives than it should be.

ELIM GARAK

Damn, backup of a backup. I definitely changed the file in backup, that I distinctly remember, but I guess local archivists are so bored they do backups of backups every two seconds.

INT. CARDASSIAN INTERROGATION CHAMBER

We see a flashback of Garak where he is staring at Parmak in a cell. No dialogue, no concept, it is even not clear who is interrogator here and who is interrogatee. Or even if that's the situation. They both sitting in chairs, no one behind the desk, no restrains. Even the cell is just a room, with no visible indications of being the cell. It’s a cabinet with generic furniture.

JULIAN BASHIR (V.O. from previous scene)

Never underestimate the power of Cardassian file keeping. So what happened? Why would you do that? I have a theory. To spite Tain. So what, Tain suspected your relationship with his doctor was, let's say, of sentimental nature, and made you interrogate him. You didn’t want to do it so you just did nothing, demonstratively. But Kelas knew if you would do nothing and he would not confess they will know that you don’t do your job and they’ll punish you. So after couple of hours he pretends that it is a new technic – you just staring at him, and that it worked. He confesses and the legend is born - Elim Garak can stare culprits into confessions.

EXT. LABOR CAMP ON CARDASSIA IV - DAY

Parmak looking very ill talking to Garak who is clearly just visiting.

KELAS PARMAK

Don’t let me die in here, Elim. Please. I don’t want to die in here.

INT. GARAK’S ROOM IN THE COMPOUND

CONTINUATION

ELIM GARAK

When he died in that camp... I swore I wouldn't let Tain mock me about it, too. He was always so creepy cheery about me ‘staring confession out of’ Kelas. Now I'm thinking that he might know about my pitiful deception, if you could find out then he definitely could. So he secretly mocked me even more for an attempt to conceal my grief. Well, at least he didn't show it. Small mercies.

JULIAN BASHIR

I didn’t know that I guessed right. I’m so sorry, Garak. It’s very romantic and sad story.

Julian puts his hand on Garak's.

ELIM GARAK

It's a stupid story.

Garak takes his hand off Julian's.

JULIAN BASHIR

I don't think so. You clearly loved each other.

ELIM GARAK

He was an idiot. I wasn't in any danger. He shouldn't do that. But that's nothing, three years in labor camp - that's nothing, he could live through that. But no, he had to actually die there from pneumonia. Doctor. From the ceffing cold. So no, it's very stupid story.

JULIAN BASHIR

He didn't know that you'll be alright. And you didn't know what would happen. It's not your fault and it's not his. Now I understand why he was your prime hallucination. You already brought him back from dead once. Now you had the opportunity to do it again. Why Tain did it? Is it purely out of homophobia or?..

ELIM GARAK

Kelas was his confidant. He betrayed him and his duty with me. Not in any spy sense but... So Tain made me betray Kelas. Very logic course of action.

Garak shrugs.

JULIAN BASHIR

I thought Mila was his confidante?

ELIM GARAK

Kind of, on and off. But I think it was more Tolan than her from that side. He was the only one who could get away with standing up to Tain. Though maybe Tain already punished him so it was enough? I know nothing about their lives before me.

JULIAN BASHIR

And you didn't lie about them in your letters?

ELIM GARAK

Mila would stand in her grave tall if she knew I even considered it. I lied about me as a child, of course, but not them. Not much at least.

JULIAN BASHIR

I still don't understand why you lied at all.

ELIM GARAK

I started lying when I uttered my first words, it is hard to stop now. The main thing did my stories entertain you?

JULIAN BASHIR

Truth is no less entertaining. You and Kelas... That was very strong story. It's better than your Palandine one, for sure.

ELIM GARAK

Everyone's a critic. Of course your story is better, my dear. At least for you. You made it up according to your own taste, after all.

JULIAN BASHIR

Now you will confuse me to make me doubt.

ELIM GARAK

You were expecting me confessing?

JULIAN BASHIR

I expected facts.

ELIM GARAK

As one human said there is no facts, only interpretations.  I've let you do it by yourself, interpret things. You clearly have a talent as a storyteller.

JULIAN BASHIR

(grumbles)

Bastard... So... You and Kelas...

ELIM GARAK

I did cover his situation, or at least I tried. I did stare him into confession, or at least it's how it could be perceived. He was Tain's confidant as all personal physicians had to be. And he was my very dear friend. We had lunches where we were discussing literature. That's the thing that reminded me of you. I'm afraid that's it. I don't have a big story to tell. All these circumstances are not connected. Life rarely has stories to tell, mostly it's just chaotic pile of events. It's boring.

On the last sentences we see FLASHBACK. Garak and Kelas talking to each other inaudible over lunch much like Garak and Julian once had been.

INT. GARAK’S ROOM ON THE COMPOUND.

Julian at the door. With chocolate. Julian and Garak smile at each other but doesn't word greetings. Julian gets into the room. He is nervous.

JULIAN BASHIR

So I'd say you're practically healthy. How much you're sane though... That would be evaluation of miss Naven. But I think It's safe already to do this.

Julian kisses Garak. Forcefully, trying to do the same thing as Garak did to him when he greeted him that first time. He has no confidence though and ends it abruptly.

ELIM GARAK

Oh no, I believe you’re wrong and I'm still ill.

JULIAN BASHIR

That wasn't a hallucination.

ELIM GARAK

Said the hallucination.

JULIAN BASHIR

No, I'm definitely not a hallucination.

ELIM GARAK

I fail to see consistency. You refused when I ASKED for it.

JULIAN BASHIR

And how else would I show that I'm not a hallucination to get you to cooperate?

ELIM GARAK

Then why stop? Now I'm having a relapse for sure.

JULIAN BASHIR

Do you want me to stop?

ELIM GARAK

Don't you dare!

JULIAN BASHIR

Then shut up and kiss!

They kiss again and it's more tender but again Julian cuts it.

JULIAN BASHIR

To be clear I actually discharged you, you have a clean bill of health in any sense that depends on my area of medical expertise.

ELIM GARAK

Are we gonna keep talking or?..

JULIAN BASHIR

Sorry, sorry...

They keep kissing, already on the couch and starting to cuddle.

JULIAN BASHIR

Also, to be absolutely clear, I'm not ready for anything more. Can we take it slow?

ELIM GARAK

As slow as you need, my dearest. Does it mean we now stop kissing?

JULIAN BASHIR

No, kissing is good. And also... I think cuddling is also good.

ELIM GARAK

Got it. Kissing and cuddling. In unlimited quantities. That's your doctor's order?

JULIAN BASHIR

I'm not your doctor anymore.

ELIM GARAK

I thought humans have the doctor-patient foreplay? I must have read the wrong books.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, that. Like an actual doctor I never play doctor. But I can try.

ELIM GARAK

Never mind, I was only trying to play along.

JULIAN BASHIR

(laughs)

Let's just try to do instead of talk.

They briefly re-engaged but Julian cuts it again.

JULIAN BASHIR

But then our foreplay with words lasted as many as seventeen years, it's hard to stop. Also I'm suddenly hungry. I kept reading your letters while eating, it was reminding me of our lunches.

ELIM GARAK

Conversation and food - I think the sensual part of our relationship is in good company. Shall we eat then?

JULIAN BASHIR

And talk. Did you finish the book Captain Picard gave you?

ELIM GARAK

Yes. And I'm so mad at you that you never offered me this jewel of your culture. All this time wasted!

Garak goes to the replicator and punches the meal order not asking what Julian wants.

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, maybe because I don't think of it as 'jewel', as you phrased. I never thought you will like it. And it's hardly my culture. I didn't understand the half of it. Even with the commentaries.

ELIM GARAK

It's because you have nothing to relate to, poor thing.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh yeah, I'm the poor thing now? By not relating to such absurdity?

ELIM GARAK

Though I recognize that now, with those ten years after our own revolution and devastation I understand this book more than I would do that before. The housing problem! The fish of second freshness! Argh!

JULIAN BASHIR

So, did you like it? I fail to see why.

ELIM GARAK

My poor uncultured friend, let me tell you how you should write the masterpiece…

Julian smiles and looks adoringly at Garak.

ELIM GARAK

First of all, you have to make a paradox...

Dialogue becomes indistinct. It mirrors the scene from the previous flashback with Garak and Parmak.

INT. PRESS CONFERENCE

Garak is before Cardassian journalists. Julian at the back of the audience. He’s nervous.

ELIM GARAK

I’m returning in the race after the health problems I had solved with the help of my dear friend from Federation and his Cardassian colleagues.

JOURNALIST

We all heard the rumors that it was a mental problem. Do you deny it?

ELIM GARAK

In the sense that the problem was in my head you can call it mental, I guess. But could you call a shrapnel in the head a ‘mental’ problem?

Some JOURNALISTS laugh. Julian smirks.

INT. THE SAME HALL AFTER THE CONFERENCE

JULIAN BASHIR

I got a job. My ‘Cardassian colleagues’ invited me to practice here.

ELIM GARAK

You see, it’s in your interest, too I also get the job. If I will be forced to return to Earth as an ambassador what would we do with our little arrangement?

Garak is being led away by his assistances.

JULIAN BASHIR

(under his breath)

Shit, did I make him believe I was banned from Earth? I was only discharged from Starfleet. With honor. I can practice as civil doctor anywhere I choose.

INT. NEW JULIAN’S ROOM - NIGHT

Julian and Garak are cuddling on the couch. There is unfinished dinner on the table. Lights dimmed.

JULIAN BASHIR

So... Did you hallucinate me before?

ELIM GARAK

Only that time with a vaccine and when you were mad at me some time ago.

JULIAN BASHIR

It wasn't technically a vaccine... Never mind. So... Just those times when you've been busted then. Convenient.

ELIM GARAK

(pretends to be pleasantly surprised)

Isn't it?

They both laughs.

ELIM GARAK

So, do tell, my dear doctor, did you realize what feelings for me, apart from anger on my career choice and desire to kiss me and cuddle with me were you harboring all this time? Where are we standing?

JULIAN BASHIR

You first.

ELIM GARAK

Oh. Do we say it simultaneously or write it on pieces of paper and exchange?

JULIAN BASHIR

That's bad. What if one of us will tell the recipe of the grandma's soup instead? I don't trust you. Moreover, I don't trust myself.

ELIM GARAK

My dearest, I don't think that you have to guess extents of my feelings for you. I never made them secret. And even if I wasn't clear all this time I was pretty open about it when you first arrived, did I? Really, I never was more open in my entire life.

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, it helps when you think that your vis-a-vis is not real. But why didn't you pursue it? And as you said you never would. Were you so afraid of me rejecting you? Did I seem so unapproachable? I remember I was so smitten at first you could eat me alive and I would only squeak from delight. It was me who didn't make first step because of the fear of rejection. You were so... big for me. I thought myself so little before you then. I think I started to think of me as equal to you only after the incident with your implant but it was some arrogant shit. Oh I was so clever. And brave. I saved your life. I forgave you. I didn't turn my back on you when you were bad to me. God, I was so stupid and petty...

ELIM GARAK

(chuckling)

You were magnificent and never think of yourself otherwise, my dear. You rocked my world that day.

JULIAN BASHIR

(chuckles)

Yeah? Did you start thinking of me as equal, too?

ELIM GARAK

What makes you think I wasn't already? But no, I didn't fear rejection, my dear. I knew you should reject me. That's the difference.

JULIAN BASHIR

So why I should? But... Not anymore, right? When you still thought I'm a hallucination, you said that nothing changed and your reasons still stand. But now... I changed something, did I?

ELIM GARAK

You came to me, my dear.

JULIAN BASHIR

No, that can't be it because there were seven years when I was by you and you shouldn’t wait for me to come. Or you mean literally, like come at you? No? No. Something else happened. You were ready this time. You would've shut me out if not. You've done it couple of times before, shut me out. I remember being very open about actually wanting you one time and all I got was a cold shoulder. So if you did want me then and thought I shouldn't do it with you, then now definitely something changed.

ELIM GARAK

But now it doesn't matter. And actually dangerous. Imagine that it was some trifle thing - for you. And you would resent me for this. Let's just say it was important to me. And yes, I was not very brave to deal with it all these years. And still isn't brave enough but... We're going slow, aren’t we? One step at a time. Also could I change my mind after ten years? I still think you're making a mistake with me but... Maybe I became too selfish in my old age.

JULIAN BASHIR

I still want to know those reasons. Colder-hotter? Is it because we're different species?

ELIM GARAK

Room temperature.

JULIAN BASHIR

Not different sexes?

ELIM GARAK

Also RT.

JULIAN BASHIR

But not even warm. Okay, but it's about differences in species and culture? You thought I can't handle it. Me, a known xenophile. Really?

ELIM GARAK

And look how well all your relationships with aliens went.

JULIAN BASHIR

(irritated)

Yeah, like my relationships with humans went better. But you’re right, and I'm already ruining this one! Come on, just admit that you knew I'm a lousy boyfriend and you just didn't need this pain in the ass.

ELIM GARAK

(amused)

I rather like this pain in the ass. I can actually say that I was dreaming of this pain in the ass. I'm not in love with you only because of your beauties, my dear, I like all of you, including your social awkwardness. Like I’m much better. And anyway loving someone is to like them not for only their positive features but accepting their negative ones. Not love despite them but because of them also. Remember what I said about the ultimate one? There is a myth on Cardassia that everyone has the ultimate one – it’s like soul mate in your terms. But they’re hard to meet - statistically it’s very unlikely. But we still know them, in our mind we see them, we know what they should be like. Just because we know ourselves and our own needs. So when we meet people we attach themselves to ones who are like them - in something. So for us there is no actual good-bad features. There are only good-bad for us features. No one is only good. We all are complex. But we are like puzzle pieces. Some can fit each other. Someone fit you only in something and clash with you in anything else. This one is psi - a part. Most settles for one psi because it's better than unknown and statistical probability of practically zero. Some move on from one psi to other, very different ones, to fit different parts of them, or even do them all simultaneously. When I met you I thought you were just another psi but the more I knew you the more I thought you are the one. You're fitting me so well all around. The one out of many - my ultimate, my e'vira. My everything.

JULIAN BASHIR

(sighing)

You're lying again, are you?

ELIM GARAK

About it being Cardassian myth? Maybe. About you being my e'vira - no. Remember, I told you this when I had no reason to lie because I thought I was talking to myself.

JULIAN BASHIR

And that's a lie, too. There are plenty of reasons to lie to yourself.

ELIM GARAK

I'm seriously proud of you now. And this leads me to realization that I'm still not convinced you're not a hallucination. You're too good to be true.

JULIAN BASHIR

(under his breath)

I'm still not convinced you are not my hallucination.

 

INT. FEDERATION JAIL CELL

Julian watches the Federation news.

ANNOUNCER

…In other news Cardassian ambassador to the United Federation of Planets, Elim Garak, was blown up in his skimmer home on Cardassia. President Pro Tempore Ishan Anjar expressed condolences…

We see Julian's stricken face.

FADE OUT

THE END

of Episode I

**Author's Note:**

> Ceffing = (Kardasi) fucking (from ‘cef’)  
> Vira = (Kardasi) 'everything'  
> E’ = (Kardasi) 'love' like in 'e’gehra', 'e'kUra' and 'e'zIra'  
> Psi = (Kardasi) ‘part’, ‘segment’
> 
> I used Tinsnip and Vyc’s version of the dictionary.
> 
> Tonino Guerra short stories I used (my translation from Russian so it could be not very accurate)
> 
>  
> 
> Story of spiritual closeness of two Chinese eunuchs.
> 
> Once upon a time there were four hundred eunuchs from the old imperial court in exile in some Chinese cloister; and so when there were only two of them left the mutual bond grew so strong they couldn’t roam without each other even by halls and garden. They were talking about clouds floating in the sky, about birds throwing shadows that were sliding over rocks in the garden. But then they have fallen out over something. And it seemed that they felt better without each other. At least one of them, the older one, was giving every appearance of it. He was nooking or disappearing in the depth of the garden. But the other one was watching him from afar. He was looking carefully, trying to determine what happened to him. Maybe he’s sick and want to die quietly, with no bother for himself and people around him. Some time later first eunuch noticed that second one is scribbling something by the candle and then quickly hides his notes. And first one started to look for those pieces of paper. He wanted so much to read the diary that was repository of old man’s secrets. He was looking under the rocks in the garden and vegetable lot if they seem out of position; he was rooting about crack between creaky floor tiles. Finally, he found that diary. It said:  
> _Monday_  
> Since I started writing my notes I see you still thinking about me.  
> _Tuesday_  
> I feel you want to read my notes.  
> _Wednesday_  
> Today I shifted rocks in the vegetable lot out of place to make you think I’ve hidden these sheets of paper underneath. You fell for this bait but your expectations weren’t fulfilled.  
> _Thursday_  
> I see in your eyes you’re worried. That means you indeed care for me.  
> _Friday_  
> Today I want you to find these couple of lines and understand that I need you like an air I breath.
> 
> When eunuch finished reading those lines he began crying. And he saw that in the bamboo grove near him another one is crying, too.
> 
> Awaiting
> 
> He loved her so much he locked himself in his house and started waiting by the door to hold her in his arms the moment she will ring the doorbell and say she loves him as before.  
> But she didn’t ring; and he became an old man. Once someone quietly knocked on the door and he got scared and hid behind the closet.


End file.
